HOLIDAYS!!!!!!
Hi my dearest friends! Time really flies, its nearing half a year since i started work. I guess I've complained much... Hahaha. Just wan to share with all of you the beautiful pictures God has been painted in my life within this short period of time. The journey of working as a kidnergarten teacher haven been easy but God has been using it to mould and chasten me. It is painful, unbearable and sometimes miserable. It is still on going, God is still at work. Cant remember how many times i cried at home after work, the immense stress teachers need to take which many do not understand . And i'm really glad that God is doing this wonderful work in my life. This verse in James 1:3-4... "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you you face trials of many kinds, beacuse you know that the testing of your faith produces perserverance, perserverance must finish it work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." has been the verse that the Lord is using in teaching me many wonderful truths. I've never seen so much insights before while reading this verse, but this time, its different. Trials comes in many different ways... for me, i've been challenged with many things which i thought i have overcomed many years ago. things like self-esteem, self-confidence, self-identity as a working adult, my work performance, or even placing too high an expectation on myself. Many a times ending up in self frustration and anger towards myself and ppl ard me. When God showed me this verse, I ask God, " How am i supposed to be joyful when situations are against me?" I feel so unfortunate to have to be the one being banged up and down. I begin to blame myself.... why am i such a weakling? Why am i so forgetful? Stop giving yourself all sort of excuses to escape the bombardment from my superior!!! Gosh! But i really thank God for helping me to realise that he loves me thats why he is chastening, shaping me, moulding me. I was so touched and blessed, i tell you... i cried like a baby. God make sure that i go through it, so that the testing of my faith will produce perserverance, and perserverance to maturity, and maturity to completion of my faith as a whole person, not lacking anything in Christ alone! As i go through all that the Lord have allowed me to go through, i begin to see by his grace why it is necessary that he put me through this tests. He opened my eyes to see many areas of myself which i didnt think i was. I cant believe that that's me! Characterisitcs of impatience, too motional, petty, lateness, laziness, envy, anger, grudges against pple who does better then me, pride and many more to name... I guess, there have never been a tougher time then this that i've been through having to face my ugly self and God. I feel so broken... broken to pieces. I wish i could run away. Yet i know that the only way out to a closer walk with God is to face it all and allow God to prune me as he wish as i learn to surrender myself fully unto Him. Surely there isnt anyone else that i want to be with more then God himself... Who can understand my heartaches and brokenness other then him. Finally as I chose to surrender my own self righteousness and take my place at his feet, i couldn't have felt any better then now!!! The spirit of joy and peace. I know that the chastening process is not finished, but i have the assurance of the purpose of him allowing me to go through these trials, and that is enough to help me trust in him and to place my faith in him no matter what! I know that i am not the only one going through all these..... many more brothers and sisters are walking through difficult times, but that is where we know our victory lies! Amen! We're not alone.... :)
